Love-A-Duck Lost

I must confess. I am a P.G. Wodehouse groupie. I find his writing completely delightful. I particularly love the conversations between his characters. This post is an homage to Wodehouse. Please read with a British accent. I wrote it with one.

“You’re looking rather down in the mouth, Bunky.” Bunky Tadwaller was sitting, in a rather rumpled fashion, in a large club chair, nursing a gin and tonic. “Lost your last friend, have you?”

“You can’t begin to fathom my anguish, Fizzer, old boy. Do sit down.”

“What? Has your hound died? Has your pater demanded you become gainfully employed? Did you lose your allowance playing billiards?”

“No, no. I could bear it if it were any of those. Pam has given me the old heave-ho. She’s turned her back. Ended it.”

“What? Old Pam? Lord Love-A-Duck’s daughter? Isn’t she the one who raises all those pigeons and doves? Seems a rather odd choice of poultry, being a Love-A-Duck and all. But surely she’ll come to her senses. It won’t be long before she’ll realize what a catch you are, and all will be made right once her heart begins to yearn for your brash good looks, dashing disposition, and merry conversation. I can’t see that she could go for long without immersing herself in the sterling qualities that you possess in abundance.”

“No, old chum. Your optimism is misplaced. I expect I shall never make it right with her. I’ve blundered a good one. No way to heal her perception of me, I fear. No way to right the wrong or restore my character to the purity it once had in Pam’s heart of hearts. It’s over. All is lost.” He sighed a heavy sigh.

“Your anguish pains me, old soul. Rid your bosom of this blot, Bunky. Make me your confessor. Did you blaspheme her father, the honorable Sir Love-A-Duck? Did you wear a bow tie when you should have worn a Windsor? Did you neglect to admire Pam’s new hairdo, if she had a new one, that is? What was it, man, that caused her to walk away?”

Fizzer leaned forward, straining to hear, as Bunky admitted, “At dinner last night, I ordered squab.”

This is my entry in this week’s trifecta challenge

Huzzah! This won 1st place in the Trifecta Writing Challenge
Made with real cheese that gives a melt-in-your-mouth flavor you can’t resist.


About paulajwray

I am a writer and I live in the Rocky Mountains of southwest Colorado with my husband and a balding black cat. I write humor, flash fiction, creative non-fiction, inspirational essays, and poetry. When I'm not writing, making lists, or forcing a family member to listen to something I've written, I'm reading, gardening, or laughing with my friends. I also, occasionally, sit and stare.
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20 Responses to Love-A-Duck Lost

  1. joetwo says:

    Ah completely incompatible. The relationship is dead in the water after that.

    • Paula J says:

      Wodehouse’s worthless but amusing young men were always doing something like this. Their next step would be to come up with a completely outlandish plan to win old Pam back. It would probably end up causing her to fall for Fizzer. Oh, the delightful mayhem!

  2. Scriptor Obscura says:

    He he *smiles* he he 😆 Love this one! 🙂

  3. Paula J says:

    Thank you. It was a joy to write.

  4. rashmenon says:

    Ooh, an apt homage to Wodehouse; he must be chuckling too on reading this one 🙂 Way to go!

  5. Suzanne says:

    This is fabulous and so much fun! I couldn’t wait to find out what our hero had done – and I’m sitting here, still grinning, as I write this.

    • Paula J says:

      Are you familiar with P.G. Wodehouse? His characters were always involved in something like this. The young men were so “charmingly worthless”, they belonged to a gentleman’s club called The Drone’s Club.

  6. Paula J says:

    Yes, Suzanne, you should. Any of the Jeeves and Wooster titles or the ones that take place at Blandings and involve Lord Emsworth and his pig are ones I would highly recommend.

  7. Annabelle says:

    That made me laugh. I love Wodehouse too; this must have been a blast to write.

  8. Ah yes, all the better with the British accent. Made me laugh!

  9. Paula J says:

    Yes, I can hear it all in my head. Thanks.

  10. Draug419 says:

    hahaha! I love that last line! xD

  11. Paula J says:

    I was counting on the fact that everyone would know what squab is. Ha ha!

  12. I read this with a South African (sometimes taken for a British) accent. Is that okay? Must say, took me right back to my British-tinged past: scones, raspberry jam, and clotted cream, Cornish Pasties, and school ties, and all that. Thanks for the little trip and huge laugh.

  13. Michael says:

    I’ll have to read P.G. Wodehouse myself; I’ve heard about him but I’ve never read him either. This was brilliant. And reading it in a British accent made it that much better. 😛

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